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Healing Negative or Hurt Feelings

Answers for Teens and Parents

Starting the Healing Process

When we begin asking the difficult questions and peel back the layers of emotions and troubling actions, we have to be honest with ourselves.

When telling a personal story, it can be difficult to be critical of ourselves and responsible to our own actions, but that is an essential part of our learning.  The truth is a wonderful tool to use when you need to move forward and seem stuck.  In order to move on, you have to really see what you are leaving behind.

Jack Canfield, renowned author describes a “Total Truth Letter” in his book, The Success Principals.

He describes writing a letter to your bully or offender that “moves you through the negative emotions.  It helps you release them so you can return to the state of love and acceptance that is our natural state of beings, and from which joy and creativity can flow.”

This is very important in a classroom environment.  Hurt feelings from a teacher years ago can linger.  When a student’s ego is hurt, the student can withdrawal and fall behind with academic assignments, or lash out with discipline outbursts. This activity can help.

The goal is to express the anger and hurt and move toward forgiveness and a fresh start.  It is not just a dump of anger, it requires your responsibility in the situation and how you are going to move forward. You have to be honest with yourself and take responsibility to repair your hurt feelings.

In summary, work through these 6 stages and feel better with your emotions.

  1. Anger and Resentment – I’m angry that…   I hate it when…   I resent…
  2. Hurt – It hurt me when…  I felt sad when…   I feel disappointed about…
  3. Fear – I was afraid that…   I get afraid when…   I feel scared if…
  4. Remorse, Regret and Accountability – I’m sorry that…   Please forgive me for…   I didn’t mean to…
  5. Wants – All I ever wanted…   I wanted you to…   I deserve…
  6. Love, Compassion, Forgiveness and Appreciation – I understand that…   I appreciate you for…  I forgive you for…   Thank you for…

Follow these basic steps of writing the letter to the person who has upset you, with roughly equal portions of the letter expressing each of the feelings above.  If the other person is unable to participate, you may chose to simply throw the letter away (or burn it, if you are into witchcraft!)  The point is for you to get free from your negative emotions.

Ask Ms. Peck to help you with this process.  It isn’t an easy thing to do but you can never give up and let the negativity win.  Let’s talk about the situation and get past it and toward your rewarding future!

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